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Catwoman
USA 2004
Directed by Pitof
Running time 104 minutes
Rated M

Reviewed by
Bernard Hemingway
0 stars


If watching one and three-quarter hours worth of MTV clips of the likes of Beyoncé and Destiny’s Child is your idea of a good time then by all means rush down to your nearest multiplex and pay to see this glossy, gauzy, girl-oriented US$150 million CGI workout.

Admittedly I don’t have much of an appetite for cartoon superheroes but this latest cinematic adaptation of the adventures of a DC Comics character is the most insipidly conceived, witlessly written and laboriously expounded waste of time I can recall having sat through in living memory. Reading, let alone writing, a review of it would only be a waste of more time.

An acquaintance of mine once memorably claimed that he would eat a can of dog food if he was paid enough money. I’m sure Halle Berry was paid a helluva lot of greenbacks to pretend to gorge herself on the feline equivalent but why she did, as she surely can’t need the money, is inexplicable. It was not that long ago that she won an Academy Award for acting, if that means anything. And if Mr Pitof (aka. Jean-Christophe Comar, special effects supervisor for Jean-Pierre Jeunet's The City Of Lost Children) ever works in Hollywood again, I’m sure it’ll be a long, long time before he gets a crack at the director’s chair. The only thing that he can be thanked for is that with this brainless concatenation of clichés he may well have killed any plans Warners may have been nurturing for a sequel or two or three. Or at least so one can hope.

 

 

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